


trixie's first christmas

by highonbrunost



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Also no smut, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Christmas, I'm Sorry, Inspired by a Movie, Late Night Writing, Lesbian AU, also too many things happen in too little time, bam - Freeform, but this is fucking fanfiction, cis women au, i can do whatever the fuck i want, i'm just a good christian girl, not even edited, that i didn't even like, which is sad, who's lazy about porn, written and posted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:57:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13154781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highonbrunost/pseuds/highonbrunost
Summary: Katya is an anxiety driven, Christmas loving and parent disappointing lesbian innocently waiting for her flight at the JFK, where she just happens to meet the weirdo of a lifetime with a career no one saw coming and a habit of lying compulsively, Trixie Mattel. Trixie convinces her that bringing her home as a girlfriend is a good idea. Katya has nothing to lose.Lightly based on the tacky ass Christmas movie Love the Coopers.





	trixie's first christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, is this a late Christmas au? Hell, yeah it is. It's five thirty in the morning and I haven't slept properly in over twenty-four hours but I just thought this would be cute, sorry if it sucks. Maybe I wrote this to procrastinate writing the ending of [a cactus and a lily](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11794362/chapters/26600943), but you'll never know for sure. Ok, I'm going to sleep. Happy holidays. Don't bring strangers home to your parents and enjoy the read!

Katya hates airports. She hates crowds, excessive security guards and fucking voices that go off out of the blue yelling random numbers and calling people out, she just feels pressured by it. Every time around Christmas she tries to remind herself what made her move all the way to New York instead of just staying home and not having to face airports because she seriously considers staying at her parents’ house and never leaving again. A life with no airports. How wonderful would that be. 

She has her little safe haven, though, inside of the mess that is JFK, and it’s a tiny cafe named Sally’s, hidden in a place where most people can’t see  it. It’s a diner themed cafe, which is always warm enough for you to take off your jacket but cool enough that you won’t sweat, serves coffee that is a little too sugary and the pancakes are a little overcooked. She’s been here so many times that she knows every corner of the place, and she always sits at the very same table to read on her kindle while she eats her rubber pancakes and drinks her chamomile tea to-go (she never goes, though.) It’s certainly not the best food, or the cleanest spot but her favorite trait about it, and what makes her come back every time she needs to fly somewhere is the fact that it’s always nearly empty. 

… Except for today. There’s a huge line to the cashier and to the orders, the servers are almost pulling at each other hairs, the air smells like burnt pancakes and there’s a beautiful blonde girl with a tray full of food standing right in front of her. 

“Hi, excuse me?” The girl asks. Katya looks back, but apparently she really is referring to her. Well, shit. As if it weren’t enough for her afe haven to be full of smelly people, now there’s an attractive tall stranger talking to her. Nope.“Would you mind if I sat here? Every other seat is taken and you’re the least intimidating person in here.”

Well, yes, I do mind, Katya thinks, I’m sitting here alone for a reason so I’m gonna say no. Two letters, very simple. N. O. You can do this, Katya. You got this. Just say it, loud and clear, no. 

“Uh, yeah, go ahead,” Katya clears the space for the woman to set her tray down. Traitor, she yells silently at her vagina. Can’t see a pretty woman and already starts interfering in her choices.

“Thank you so much! Ugh, I always come here and it’s never crowded!” She says, hanging her purse on the chair. Katya can’t help but notice it’s a Chanel. The stranger shrugs. “Must be from all the cancelling due to the snowstorm. My flight was cancelled too, and I gotta say I’m a little relieved even, I don’t think I’m ready for my family yet. You’re not saying anything, am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No,” Katya lies. “I just, uh… Anxious. I get a little anxious around strangers. It’s not you.”

Blondie smiles. “Sorry. I’m Beatrice, Trixie for short. And you are?”

“I’m Katya,” she tries her best not to do a half-hearted smile but fails. She’s never been around anyone this pretty in her entire lifetime. “Nice to meet you.”

“Now we’re not strangers anymore, see? Is it okay if we talk? I get bored so easily and you look so nice to talk to… Unless that’s uncomfortable for you, then I’ll just play Candy Crush and shut the fuck up.” Dirty mouth. Katya blushes and fixes her brown-framed glasses. 

“It’s… It’s fine. You’re good. I’m good. It’s good.” She nods, sipping her tea. Sometimes she wishes she weren’t as awkward, like when Miss JFK is sitting across from you looking like she just came out of a magazine editorial. 

Trixie smiles again. “Did you know that you’re adorable?” Katya blushes so hard she feels her own cheeks burning. “Anyway, where you headed?”

“Nebraska. I’m going back home for, you know, Christmas.” Katya removes her glasses and cleans the foggy lenses with the sleeve of her oversized and crocheted sweater. She made it herself. “What about you?”

“Going back home to Texas as well. Not for Christmas though, my family doesn’t do Christmas, or Hanukkah or whatever.” Trixie bites her bagel. 

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Katya frowns. “What are you doing there, then?”

“Well, it’s not a shame, I don’t care that much about Christmas, I don’t really like it if I’m honest.” Katya’s eyes widen and her jaw drops. She did notice how Trixie decided to dodge her question, and she was going to ask, but that’s until she said this… this sacrilege. “Oh, wow, I think I hit a spot there.”

“How can you not like Christmas? It’s the best time of the year!” She defends. Anxiety only matters when the topic isn't Christmas. Trixie laughs and rolls her eyes. “I’m serious! Have you ever seen Christmas? The fairy lights, the snowmen, gifts! It’s perfect!”

“Christmas is a bullshit holiday,” Trixie says. Katya knows her face doesn’t look good now and she doesn’t even care. She wants Trixie to know how much she disapproves her opinion. “The main idea behind it is to celebrate Jesus’ birthday, which is already a bad start because this guy didn’t even exist,” Katya grabs her golden cross necklace under her sweater. “I mean, if you’re religious and you wanna celebrate it, yeah, alright, but then why do you need to be so capitalist about it?”

“You have a Chanel purse” Katya furrows her brow.

“Yeah, because I’m already a materialistic bastard without having capitalism disguised as love for Jesus being forced down my throat, thank you very much.” Katya laughs. 

“I bet you’re only like this because you’ve never had a nice Christmas.” She raises her eyebrows and Trixie shakes her head.

“I’m like this because I’m not an idiot. I mean, not a Christmas idiot at least.” The girl shrugs. 

“I’m a proud Christmas idiot, then. And in six hours I’m gonna be home, sitting by the fireplace, singing very tacky carols and having the time of my life with my family, okay? I bet your holiday won’t be half as fun.”

“If your idea of fun is sitting with your family I think you have some serious issues. It’s scientifically impossible to have fun with your parents after you turn ten. Trust me, I’m a scientist.” Trixie laughs. She's obviously not a scientist.

“Who hurt you? Jesus, of course I have fun with my family. I barely get to see them, so it’s a party every time,” Katya defends. She’s starting to get annoyed with this girl, who apparently has the emotional range of a pebble. She’s not here for that, she didn’t sign up for this, all she wanted was to eat her rubber pancakes in peace and now she’s stuck with an asshole. A beautiful, gorgeous asshole, her vagina reminds her. She crosses her legs. 

“Yeah, but is it a party a hundred per cent of the time?” Katya opens her mouth, ready to defend the honor of her parents and sister, but then she freezes. “Aha! I knew there something. There’s always something.”

“Okay, there is, but it’s not even a big deal,” Katya sips her tea again. It’s starting to get cold. 

“Chill, it’s normal. My family hates my job, for example. They think I should have strived for something more… Um, well, they don’t think it’s a woman’s job,” Trixie tells.

Katya nods. “My family wishes I had a job. I mean, I do, but they wanted me to be more successful by now I guess.”

“What do you do for a living?” Trixie asks.

“I’m a post-grad in Russian literature and a part-time waitress. Not too exciting.” She sighs. “What about you? What man-job is it that you have?”

Trixie laughs. “I’m a forensic scientist and a criminologist. I work with the FBI behavioral science unit, share my time between Quantico and New York.”

“You’re a federal agent?” Katya asks, looking up and down at her. Trixie has about an entire pound of makeup on her face and she’s wearing a designer dress. A pink designer dress. 

She nods. “I’m a federal agent.” 

“You’re the most badass person I’ve ever met. Jesus Christ.” Katya checks her phone and looks up. “I think I should go. My flight will board soon.”

“I’ll walk with you. I’ve nothing to do here and I don’t wanna drive back in this weather,” Trixie offers. Katya smiles.

“Sure. I have to be on this gate,” she shows Trixie on her boarding pass, “in half an hour.”

“Let’s go then,” Trixie offers her hand and Katya takes it, blushing. Boy, oh boy.

They walk around the airport, pointing at tourists, shit talking about business men as they also talk about life and current events. Katya confesses that the struggle she has with her family is that they don’t take her seriously for being a thirty year old who doesn’t have a stable job or a wife.

“But they’re okay with you being a lesbian? They sound like a very conservative family,” Trixie observes, sitting down on the benches in front of Katya’s gate. 

“Oh, not really. They’re traditional, but they’re happy with me and my sister being,” Katya shrugs, “whoever we are. But Sasha literally excels at everything - she graduated with honors from goddamn Stanford, she traveled all around the world, has a job as an LA Times editor and she has the most amazing wife and son. It’s hard to keep up.”

“She sounds like a snob,” Trixie frowns. “But it’s not a bad thing to take time and figure yourself out.”

“I know that, but I wish my parents did. Their idea of success is earning a lot of money, settling down and procreating.” She rolls her eyes. “I love them and I love spending time with them, but the disappointment in their eyes every time I walk into their home all by myself… I feel like a major failure. Sometimes they even treat Shea better than they treat me!”

Trixie goes quiet for a second, still frowning while Katya goes on about how frustrated she is that her parents ignore the fact that she’s going to have a masters degree soon because it’s already “too late” for her, since Sasha is two years younger and already has everything and more, then suddenly she shushes her.

With her index to Katya’s mouth, she raises her eyebrows and widens her eyes. Katya is expecting the worst at this point. “What if you brought me home as your girlfriend?”

“Absolutely not,” Katya responds as soon as Trixie’s finger is away from her mouth. “I don’t even know you.”

“Well, yeah, but I promise I’m not a serial killer,” Trixie says. “Come on, it’ll be fun! Sweet, sweet revenge!”

“I’m not a vindictive person,” Katya says. She thought it was obvious, due to her oversized sweater, leggings, and greasy hair. “I just wish the situation would change but until then I can deal.”

“No, Katya! You gotta stand up for your damn self!” Trixie imposes, Katya leans away from her because of the unexpected screaming. “Just from what you told me I can totally tell your parents treat you like a failed experiment while your sister steps all over your dignity, you can’t let that happen! If you show up with a beautiful, polished girlfriend you’re gonna blow their minds and they’re gonna be like ‘wow, we should never have doubted Katya’s ability of growing up and succeeding at life!’”

“Fine, that… Would be pretty cool, but still… I don’t know, what about your plans?” Katya asks.

“My flight wasn’t canceled. I missed it on purpose because I don’t wanna go back home.” Trixie confesses. “The family plans are my uncle’s funeral.”

“Oh, my God! Beatrice, I am  _ so _ sorry…”

“Don’t be. Seriously. I’m not even sad and I don’t wanna talk about it,” Trixie says. “What I want is for you to let me help you out this Christmas!”

“You’re a psycho,” Katya furrows her brow and shakes her head.

“I’m a visionary,” Trixie corrects her. “And it’s a win-win situation! I tell my family I can’t go because I’m spending the holidays with my girlfriend, you will make your parents and that snob you call a sister eat it… It’s killing two birds with a stone. You will even get to show me why you love Christmas so much. Think about it.”

“How are you even going to get on this flight?” Katya crosses her arms. 

“I’m a federal agent, honey. I can have my way ‘round this.”

“Okay, you’ll be my Christmas miracle-girlfriend, even though I have a feeling you’re enjoying this more than I am,” Katya says and Trixie shrugs. “But I have one condition. You  _ will _ wear an ugly sweater.”

Katya extends her hand. Trixie shakes it firmly. “It’s a deal.”

 

…

 

“Okay, we need to buy gifts,” Katya says as soon as they step into the Lincoln airport. “You need one for me, one for mom, one for dad, one for Sasha, one for Shea and one for Ryan. One for Betsy, if you’re generous.”

“Who’s Betsy?” Trixie asks, checking her phone. She told Katya she texted her mother the “news” but hadn’t gotten any replies yet. 

“The dog,” Katya answers. Trixie turns to her, almost robotically.

“There’s a dog?” She asks and Katya nods. “Honey, I can already feel the Christmas hype. I wanna meet this dog and I wanna give her some goddamn belly rubs.”

Katya laughs. She guides Trixie through the town, stopping at a few stores to get the gifts and Trixie ends up spending a little more than she had originally planned, but as she says herself, “oh well.” As they go around, they discuss the details of their relationship. They met because Trixie is a regular at the cafe Katya works at and one day she left her number on a napkin, it all went up from there. They didn’t tell the news before because of Trixie’s job at the, clears throat, Federal Bureau of Investigation, which requires some privacy. Their first kiss was on their second date, because Katya had to run out in the middle of the first one because her roomate, Ginger, called her with an emergency that turned out to be the lack of milk in their fridge. They’ve been together for six months. Trixie’s Starbucks order is a grande caramel macchiato, no sugar, extra vanilla syrup in the winter and a venti iced citrus green tea latte in the summer. Trixie said I love you first, in the middle of their first argument. Katya’s biggest pet peeves with Trixie are her lack of idea about personal space and her voice being always a little too loud. The thing she loves the most about her are her unapologetic, determined attitude and the fact that even though she plays tough she’s the first one to cry when they watch sad movies. Trixie is a Star Wars fan and her favorite character is Chewbacca, the wookie. Just kidding, it’s princess Leia. Trixie loves ice skating and she used to be a gymnast when she was younger. Trixie’s a vegetarian. Trixie’s favorite singer is Dolly Parton. Trixie doesn’t mind cooking but she refuses to wash the dishes. Trixie believes in the olive theory. Trixie doesn’t want to get married or to have children, all she wants is a dog. Trixie doesn’t like small dogs, though, only the big ones. Trixie comes from the Bible belt but she’s an atheist. Trixie is a Democrat, she voted for Hillary. Trixie started out looking like an intrusive stranger but now she’s starting to look like a good idea. 

“Was it love at first sight?” Katya asks. Trixie smiles.

“Kind of. You spilled coffee on my new fake fur coat and you were so sorry you offered to pay for the washing. I was awfully mad, so I accepted, and when it came back it smelled a little bit like you and I couldn’t stop wearing it after that. After the third time I went there, you had my order memorized and I saw you blush every time I walked in. It was love at first sight, that’s what startled us, we just didn’t realize it at first.”

“Have you considered dropping your badge and start writing soap operas?,” Katya says. They laugh. “Nice story, though. I like it.”

“Thanks. I haven’t at all fantasized about meeting the love of my life in this unlikely yet romantic scenario,” Trixie laughs. “Is the Uber coming?”

“I think it’s that guy over there,” Katya says. “So, how long have you been single?”

“I haven’t, we’re dating,” she answers and Katya gives her a crooked look before entering the car. “About… Three years? Yeah, I think three years.”

“Wow. That’s a while. I have barely even been on dates since my undergrad.” Katya takes some of the shopping bags and places them on her lap. 

“Well I always wanted to be an actress when I was a kid, so this is my chance at pretending I’m not sexually frustrated and lonely.” Katya crosses her legs again, having to rearrange some of the bags. “We’re gonna nail this.”

The drive takes about twenty minutes, and the driver helps them unload their suitcases. Katya gives him a generous tip and she and Trixie give themselves a quick pep talk before ringing the doorbell. When Mrs. Zamolodchikova opens the door, she cries in delight at seeing her oldest daughter.

“Yekaterina, there you are! You look so good, you look healthy! And who is this charming lady?” Her mother asks, hugging Trixie. When she pulls away, Katya takes Trixie’s hand on hers.

“Mom, this is my girlfriend, Beatrice. She was dying to meet everyone.”

“Just Trixie is fine, Mrs. Zamolodchikova,” Trixie assures. Mrs. Zamo cries in delight one more time. 

“Nikolai! Katya brought a girl home!” She yells. “Dear, you can just call me Dina, we’re all family here.”

Trixie looks at Katya and squeezes her hand, smiling. “I’m happy to be here. My honey has told me so much about you guys, I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

Katya smiles back. Seems like this could work after all.

 

…

 

Upon being given the news they would be staying in Katya’s old bedroom, her smile dropped. She went up the stairs making Trixie promise not to laugh, but it didn’t help. Trixie did laugh.

“This is the best bedroom I’ve ever seen,” she says, as Katya catches up to her at the door, since she’s the one carrying all of Trixie’s suitcases. Why does a person need three of those to spend only three days? Jesus fucking Christ. Trixie poses next to one of the millions of Madonna posters. “Please take a picture. I’m uploading this  _ everywhere _ .”

“Nice try. No.” Katya drops her heavy fur coat on the floor and Trixie curses.

“That’s expensive,” she protests. “I liked you better when you were shy and quiet a couple hours ago.” Katya picks up the coat in shame, folding it nicely before placing it on her bed.

“Well, you better start liking me now that I speak too,  _ girlfriend _ , because it was your idea to come here in the first place,” Katya says, sitting next to the coat. It smells really nice. “You can’t change your mind now.”

“I’m so sorry,  _ babe _ , I promise I’ll behave. You can totally punish me later if I’m a bad girl,” Trixie winks and Katya crosses her legs. This fucking girl. “I get grumpy from long trips, sorry. I’ll play nice. By the end of this you’re gonna wish I were your real girlfriend, trust that.”

“If you wanted to go on a date with me, all you had to do was ask,” Katya laughs. “You really didn’t have to come all the way here.” 

“You’d have said no. This is a lot more fun, though, you’re getting a test drive of me.” Trixie sits next to her and crosses her legs on top of the bed. 

“Oh, no, you’re not serious. Did you really only come up to me because you thought I was cute?” Trixie nods. “What is wrong with you?”

“Absolutely nothing, I’m perfect. But don’t worry, I’m not a serial Christmas girlfriend, the idea just popped up in my head and, hey, why the fuck not? Are you not enjoying this?” Trixie brushes her hair.

“So far all you’ve done to me is yell, demand and literally crash my family party. You can get better.” Katya turns to her from her phone. She texted Ginger to let her know she arrived safe and that she has a really fun fucking story to tell. “Wanna go downstairs? Sasha should be here soon and I’m sure my parents have  _ a lot _ of questions.”

“I was going to suggest we just stay here and make out,” Trixie shrugs, “but whatever. Don’t you wanna change out of these clothes before? I do.”

“Well,” Katya points to the hallway, “the bathroom is the second door to the right down the…” but Trixie already has her dress off. “Do you always wear matching lingerie?”

“You never know when you’re gonna be invited to your girlfriend’s Christmas dinner, do you?” She says, spraying some perfume on before finding a turtleneck sweater and a suede skirt on her bag. “My feet are cold, do you have anything warm?”

“I have fuzzy socks, is that any good?” Katya offers, fixing her glasses. Trixie frowns. 

“Alright, whatever. Let’s go downstairs and make everyone fall in love with our beautiful and totally real love story. Also, where’s the dog?” 

 

…

 

When Sasha and her family arrive, Katya mentally prepares herself to what usually is the return of Jesus to Earth… But not this time. Of course, they hug everyone and there is a lot of screaming, but this time it feel a little less than it was when  _ she _ arrived. Well, not Katya herself, but Trixie. The second her “girlfriend” walked through the door, her parents almost threw confetti at her face and gave her the keys to the house. Christmas miracle is an understatement.

“Nikolai, come take a look at your grandson you old pig!” Dina yells, hugging the kid. “You’ve grown so much! What have you been feeding him?” She asks Sasha. Shea stands proudly by her side, arms intertwined. When Katya notices that, she immediately grabs Trixie’s waist and brings her closer. 

“Well, well, well and who is this?” Sasha asks, stepping out of her winter boots and making her way over to the couple. Trixie would have stood out anyway. Every single member of the family, including Sasha’s wife and son, are wearing matching thematic sweaters, not to mention that Betsy, the golden retriever, doesn’t like anyone in this family as much as she likes her. Trixie does give some good belly rubs after all.

“You must be Sasha! I’m Trixie, Katya’s girlfriend. It’s so nice to meet you, after hearing all those stories about you!” She hugs the woman, then makes her way to hug Shea. Katya watches her go and, Jesus, what a butt. 

“That’s a nice job you’ve done, sis!” Sasha says, after hugging Katya. “All the waiting until you met someone worth bringing home was definitely paid off!”

“It definitely was, Trixie is… the best. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier,” Katya smiles, then coughs. She greets Shea and Ryan with a tight, warm hug and then stands beside Trixie holding her hand. Betsy pokes her nose through their arms.

“Ok, who is ready for some delicious cookies, just out of the oven, while we sit by the fire and talk, like a family does?” Dina suggests and Nikolai nods beside her. They all move into the living room and Katya makes sure to sit comfortable distant from Trixie, but the girl obviously ignores her and sits so close that Katya is obligated to turn to the side and place her legs over the blonde’s or else she’d be crushed. 

“Rest your head on my shoulder, come on, I know you’re tired,” Trixie insists. Katya, in a stupid act of bravery, kisses her cheek before doing so. Betsy lays on the floor by Trixie’s feet, resting her head on the fuzzy socks Katya lent her. The family Christmas card right then and there.

“Wow, I’ve never seen you be so touchy with anyone before,” Shea exclaims. “I think we have a winner here, you deserve a trophy for that.”

Trixie laughs. Katya is gonna let her do all the talking. “I mean, my honey makes me feel like a winner every single day, I don’t need anything else.”

Sasha laughs. “Well, that was cheesy. How long have you guys even been together and why didn’t you say anything? I always thought if Katya managed to trap a woman she’d announce it on a newspaper.” Katya counts to ten, Trixie takes her hand.

“About six months,” Trixie replies. “I made Katya promise she wouldn’t tell you guys earlier because of my job. I need discretion.”

“Oh, really?” Sasha asks, unimpressed. “What do you work with?”

“Well now I’m chief of the research department at the behavioral science unit in the FBI, but I got promoted only two months ago. Before that, I was undercover working on another research.” Trixie says, as you do. 

“No way you’re a federal agent,” says Dina, in shock. “You’re so young to be a chief.”

“Aren’t you proud of her?” Katya asks. “People can’t stand me talking about how brilliant she is anymore. Did you know she’s the youngest FBI chief in the last twenty years?” This is obviously made up, but she knows Trixie will go along with it. 

“And how did you manage that?” Asks Sasha. Shea discreetly elbows her and raises her eyebrows. 

“Sorry, Sasha didn’t mean to be rude… we’re just very surprised,” she says. Sasha rolls her eyes.

“It’s fine. My previous research made it possible for the FBI to make over 75 arrests of dangerous sexual predators in the New York area in little over two months, especially pedophiles. I got a medal for that,” she shrugs. “People are often surprised because I’m not the… type for a federal agent, but in my opinion getting a medal and a leadership position before your thirties seems to me like the federal agent type.”

“You are amazing,” Katya says. “How are you even real?” She turns to her family. “As much as I think Trixie is absolutely flawless, there is one little thing that bothers me a little about her…”

“She’s too good for you?” Sasha laughs.

“Nope. She doesn’t like Christmas! Isn’t that awful?” Katya exaggerates, making sure to use all of her facial features and more. Her mother has about the same reaction, but it is one hundred percent genuine, she even brings a hand to her heart in dismay.

“Oh, dear!” She exclaims.

“Katya is being a little over the top, I just don’t do Christmas. It’s never been a tradition in my family.” Trixie explains. The room goes silent, except for Ryan playing with his dolls on the rug.

“That is so sad dear,” Dina says. “Well, Yekaterina bringing you here is already a blessing but now this calls for a Christmas emergency! Beatrice, you are having your first Christmas here with us!” She turns to Katya. “Are the old sweaters still in those boxes?” Katya nods. “Perfect. Come with me, dear, I’ll give you something more appropriate to wear.”

Trixie stands up and runs upstairs with Dina, while Katya sits a lot less warmly on the couch and is stared at by her younger sister. As soon as the footsteps on the stairs are gone, Nikolai is reading the paper and Shea is paying attention to Ryan, Sasha opens her mouth to speak.

“She’s a nice catch,” she says. Her voice tone gives Katya goosebumps all over. “I almost can’t believe it.”

She swallows. “Seems you’re not the only one who got lucky, then.” Thin sweat starts to form on her forehead. Lying while Trixie is right there beside her is a piece of cake, she just has to go with the flow. Her “girlfriend's” confidence could make a supreme court judge reconsider his choices, she’s so sure of herself all of the time, Katya doesn’t even have to do or say anything, Trixie’s attitude carries her along. Now, lying by herself? She can barely even speak by herself and she’s praying Sasha won’t clock her.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong but she is… perfect. Too perfect. If you had rehearsed this it wouldn’t have gone so well.” Katya smiles nervously, and it’s a perfect impression of the upside down smiling emoji. “She is obviously overly confident, but she isn’t  _ too _ talkative or arrogant, it’s almost like there isn’t any flaw in her system.”

“I know you think she’s too good for me,” Katya says and sips her milk. Everyone has their own liquid courage and hers is full of calcium. “I don’t mind that. What’s really bothering you isn’t that she’s perfect, it’s that she’s better than you.”

“Bullshit.” Shea looks at Sasha with furrowed brows and widened eyes, pointing at Ryan with her head. “Sorry.”

“I understand this feeling, sis. It does suck but, hey, you do have a Stanford diploma, they must have taught you how to live through hell.” Katya smiles.

“I don’t know what this girl did to you, but you are getting really good at running your mouth,” Sasha says. She does look a little offended, Katya almost doesn’t feel bad. What has gotten into her?

Her mother and Trixie come back downstairs and the view is simply angelic. Trixie is wearing her  дедушка ’s old sweatshirt, which has a smiling yet surprisingly scary snowman on the front. His nose actually sticks out. It’s awful. 

“I love it! Now you’re almost a real Zamolodchikova,” Katya says, running up to Trixie with a huge grin. She has never done so much effort in order not to laugh at something before. She pecks the blonde on the cheek real quickly and she doesn’t even realize it’s the second time she’s done that (but Trixie does).

“Well, she is a little curvier than the Zamolodchikova women tend to be so we had to improvise. I’m sure  дедушка Alexei would feel honored, right Beatrice?” Dina asks, tapping Trixie on the shoulder. The woman smiles.

“Absolutely,” she says then looks at Katya and her deep brown eyes scream for help. 

 

...

 

“So, do you not wear weather appropriate pajamas?” Katya is already in bed, tucked from head to toe in flannel. Trixie is wearing a silky babydoll with a robe over it. “Also, do you really need the robe?”

“Yes, I do need the robe! What if I have to go pee in the middle of the night and someone is also up? I wouldn’t want them to see me in this,” Trixie says, taking it off. The babydoll is very short.

“If you wore weather appropriate pajamas I am so sure that would not be a problem,” Katya observes as Trixie climbs into bed. She wanted to take the wall.

“Is it rude if I ask what's up with the kid? He's so quiet it's creepy.” Trixie tucks herself in. 

“He’s autistic. He can talk, he just doesn’t.” Katya turns to her. “They have even tried sign language, but it doesn’t always work. Ryan is very sweet, though. He just doesn’t talk. 

“My cousin Mary is autistic as well, but I guess she isn’t as lucky as Ryan. My family just… Totally neglects her. Or worse.” She shakes her head and closes her eyes. “Can we not talk about this before bed?”

“Sorry.” This is the first time in the few hours they have known each other that Trixie has shown any sign of vulnerability. “Anyway, how do you enjoy being my girlfriend so far?”

Trixie sighs and turns to her side. “I’m having nightmares about that snowman, honey, be prepared.” They laugh. “Well, it has been fairly… educational I guess. I did learn a bunch of Christmas songs and how to bake gingerbread cookies and as long as there’s cookies it’s always a win.”

“See? I don’t know why you hate Christmas! Isn’t this the tackiest, yet most fun you’ve had in years?” Katya smiles.

“I’m concerned about your concept of fun, but it hasn’t been awful. Plus, your sister is  _ so _ pissed. I’m loving every second of this.” Trixie sighs. “And it’s always a perk to be near someone this cute.”

“You’re not real,” Katya laughs, Trixie just winks. “You’re too extra for this world, Earth cannot handle it.”

“It better learn how to, because I have a feeling about this and I think I’ll extend my offer. What about a date when we get back?” Trixie asks. 

“I’m only saying yes if you wear that sweater tomorrow when we go skiing,” Katya answers.

“Sorry, what? I don’t think so… See, I’m from Texas, I don’t ski,” Trixie furrows her brow. Katya purses her lips and raises her eyebrows.

“I think now you do, girlfriend. Good night.”

 

...

 

Skiing is a tragedy. Trixie falls and hurts her ankle, and Katya has to carry her helpless girlfriend home along with her dad. She apologizes all the way but makes sure to say “I told you we don’t ski in Texas” about five times on the way back. 

“I hope I can still help with dinner,” she says, when they help her onto the couch. 

“No,” says Nikolai with a heavy Russian accent. “You need rest, you are hurt. You are visit too and visit don’t help. Yekaterina help.”

“Yekaterina has to take care of her girlfriend, dad,” Katya says, sitting on the arm rest by Trixie’s head.

“Yekaterina have to take care of girlfriend and take care of dinner. Yekaterina never come home, when come home have to help,” Nikolai crosses his arms. 

“He’s right, Yekaterina,” says Trixie, looking at her girlfriend. Katya rolls her eyes. “It’s the least you can do.”

“Well you are in my hands now, so we’ll see about that,” they laugh. Nikolai smiles.

“I am happy to see my daughter happy, so many love. Beatrice very good for Yekaterina. Thank you,” he says. Trixie smiles and Katya blushes, looking down. Oh, God.

“I’m very happy too, Nick. I love your daughter very much and we take good care of each other,” Trixie takes Katya’s hand. 

“Good. I bring tea to you, wait one minute,” he excuses himself and whistles his way into the kitchen. 

“My heart is broken and torn in two,” Trixie says. “Oh, my God. Your dad is the cutest person in the world. How can you lie to him like this?”

“Well, this was your idea, so technically it’s your fault,” Katya says and sighs. “If your heart is broken now, you should see what it’s like when I come here alone. He barely even talks to me.”

“I’m sorry…” Trixie says.

“I mean, he barely even talks at all because he’s embarrassed of his accent, but still. He feels so sorry for me. I don’t know, it’s not the best relationship to have.” Katya shrugs. “It is what it is.”

“He obviously wants what’s best for you, don’t take it badly. But I feel very guilty lying to your dad about this…” Trixie says.

“Lie to me about what?” He asks, carrying a tray of tea and cookies. He sets it down on the coffee table and serves a cup to Trixie. 

“Thank you,” she says, smiling.

“Yes, lie to me about what?” He asks again, sitting down.

Katya and Trixie look at each other. 

“Uh…” Katya starts, eyes widening. Her father sits patiently on the armchair, waiting with his eyebrows raised.

“We’re getting married. I asked your daughter to marry me,” says Trixie in the spur of the moment and Katya turns to her with eyes even wider.

“Yes,” she agrees, slowly. She looks at her father. “We are engaged.  Жениться.”

“Yekaterina! Good news!” He claps his hands. “Why don’t tell before? You make your mother happy! You marry Beatrice! I have more grandchildren!”

“We wanted to tell after the Christmas dinner, make a surprise to mom. Can you promise not to tell anyone?” Asks Katya. “Please.”

He nods. “I promise. I don’t tell, I keep secret.” 

As if it were timed, the door opens and the rest of the family barges into the house, taking off their snow jackets and boots, laughing and yepping about their skiing adventures. “There you are, dear, are you feeling better? Did you put ice on that ankle?” Dina asks Trixie.

“Yes, these two have been taking good care of me. Nick even made us some tea!” She holds up her tea cup. Katya smiles down at Trixie. 

“She’s doing fine,” she says, running her hands through Trixie’s hair. 

Nikolai smiles uncomfortably. Dina goes over to him and kisses his forehead. “This old pig is making himself useful then?”

“Yes,” he says. There is a brief silence. “Katya is marry Beatrice!”

Katya slaps her own forehead and Trixie sips on her tea. Dina screams and walks back over to them while Sasha crosses her arms and Shea smiles happily, walking to them as well. Ryan sits on the floor and looks curiously at Betsy, who’s wagging her tail frenetically.

“My baby is getting married,” says Dina. “We have to celebrate this! Oh, this is the best gift you could have ever given me, Katya. I’m so proud of you! I’m calling all of your aunts and cousins, we are throwing a Christmas party.”

“Thanks, dad,” says Katya. He shrugs.

“Прости,” he replies.

 

…

The party is a last minute success. Katya stays loyally besides Trixie, holding her hand through the wave of aunts and uncles and unknown relatives who congratulate them on their engagement and ask about the turkey. At exactly eight forty-five, Trixie gets a text and her eyes water so she excuses herself to go upstairs and tells Katya not to follow her (but Betsy does). All alone in the middle of all the old people and judgemental cousins who have haunted her life, she hides in the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” Asks Sasha, holding a glass of wine and rubbing her face.

“Ugh, sorry, I… Are you crying?” Katya asks, approaching her sister.

“No,” she says, tear dripping down her cheek. “Maybe.”

“Sasha, what happened? I haven’t seen you cry in a forever, tell me what’s going on,” Katya touches her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I just… I couldn’t handle seeing mom’s face with the whole engagement thing, she looks so proud of you and…” Sasha starts.

“Wait, you’re sad because I’m on the spotlight for the first time in literally twenty-eight years of my life?”

“No! I’m crying because it’s reminding me of my own engagement party!” Sasha sobs.

“This is only getting more selfish, sorry,” says Katya, furrowing her brow.

“Shea wants a divorce. She’s taking Ryan and they’re moving to Sacramento.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea… Is that why you’re so sour over Trixie?” Katya asks, hugging her sister, who nods.

“I am. We decided to give Ryan one last Christmas before we sign the papers and this is just… Too much. All of this is messing with my feelings and I truly am happy for you because Trixie seems like a wonderful person but I just can’t put my head into this now because the love of my live doesn’t love me anymore. Where is the fucking wine?”

“Probably not a good idea.”Katya takes the wine glass from Sasha’s hand. “I honestly thought you were mad because Trixie is brilliant.”

“No, of course not. I mean, I am a little jealous that she graduated from Harvard with a scholarship. And she’s Cher from Clueless all over, how is she a federal agent? Like FBI? I love her. I’m happy for you guys.” Sasha sighs. “But every minute of this is reminding me of when I brought Shea home for the first time and mom and dad threw the same party and they didn’t even make any racist comments. It was such a win.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Katya smiles. “You guys were so connected, it was crazy. I was so jealous. Mom made me help her with the dishes after dinner and she talked non stop about how proud she was of you for finding such a perfect girl and how she couldn’t wait for it to be me bringing a girl home… And then she did that for the next five years until now.”

They both laugh. “I’m sorry I’m being such a killjoy, there’s a huge party out there for you and you’re here trying to make me feel better about my failed marriage. Sorry,” says Sasha. “I guess I do always have to make it about me.”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Katya says softly. “I came here to get away from that anyway.”

“And you left your future wife there all alone? You’re fucking insensitive.” Katya straightens her white dress.

“She’s not feeling very well so she went upstairs with Betsy,” Katya explains. “I could her some sparkling water - she doesn’t drink plain.”

“Wow.”

Katya sighs. “I know. Just… breathe, okay? Get yourself together, fix your face and be a dick about uncle Jerry, he left aunt Daria. Next year Shea will be the victim so choose your moves wisely.”

“Sure. Go after Trixie, I can handle this. And thanks for talking to me. We never do that anymore,” Sasha smiles.

“I know we’re constantly annoyed at each other, but you’re my sister and I love you no matter what.” Katya kisses Sasha’s forehead. “You can always count on me for anything, even if I’m not as young, successful or pretty as you are.”

“Shut up,” says Sasha. “I love you too and I hate that you keep putting yourself down. Learn something from your lady, okay? Also, go see what’s up with her. Go.”

They smile at each other. This has been their longest and nicest conversation in… well, forever. Katya runs up the stairs feeling her heart burn from the guilt of having Sasha fall apart over something that isn’t even real. Okay, breathe in, breathe out. The situation is still in control. She opens the door to her room and finds Trixie shoving her clothes inside of of her many suitcases.

Nevermind that, she has totally lost control. She’s also very glad she took her anxiety medication today or else she would have already fainted. She might need more, though.

“Trixie, what are you doing?” She asks, entering the room and shutting the door behind her. Trixie is crying. 

“I’m packing my shit because I want to leave, I’m sorry but this was a bad idea and I have to go,” she says between sobs. Sasha may have had teary eyes and smudged makeup, but Trixie is full on telenovela crying. 

“No, absolutely not,  _ this _ is the bad idea, you have to calm down and tell me what is going on,” Katya holds her by the shoulder and Trixie seems to instantly break down. “Hey, look at me, breathe, you’re fine.”

“Fucking Mary dude. They brought her to the funeral, they should not have done it,” she says.

“Your cousin Mary, who’s autistic, just like Ryan, right? Was it her father who died?” Trixie nods. “Okay, that’s very sad, I get it but you have to calm down.”

“Mary could not have seen him there. He lied to her and now she’s completely devastated,” she hugs Katya tightly. Katya hugs her back. “I’m so glad he’s dead and even then he won’t stop hurting her. His own daughter, Katya. He’s rotten. Rotten to his fucking core.”

“Come here, let’s sit down and then you drink some water and we solve this together, alright? Breathe in, like that, now breathe out, very good.” Katya holds Trixie in her embrace. “Yesterday you said you didn’t care about him being dead and now you seem strangely happy about it, do you wanna say anything on that?”

“So, Mary is autistic and she doesn’t understand the concepts of society very well, okay?” Trixie starts, resting her head on Katya’s shoulder. “And her own fucking father took advantage of that and abused this girl for a long, long time and always told her that ‘he was in love’ and ‘that’s what people do when they’re in love’. She always told me about it and no one believed me. I don’t know if they did, they probably already knew it too but they just chose not to do something.”

“I’m sorry but your family sound awful, says Katya.

“They suck, Katya,” Trixie responds. “They let her in there and she thinks the love of her life is dead. Can you imagine how heartbroken she is?”

“I don’t even know what to say right now. This whole situation is very… fucked up. But you’re hero, Trix,” says Katya, wiping her tears. “You do for others now what you couldn’t do for Mary and you’re damn good at it. Look, I know you can’t fix the situation right now, but this is  _ not _ your fault. I know it’s hard, but you’re here right now and even if you were there you still would feel impotent.”

“That is true,” Trixie admits.

“And it’s a horrible feeling, I know. But maybe part of why it’s so horrible is that you still carry guilt in you. When you let go of that, I’m sure your head will be clearer and you’ll be able to figure something out to help your cousin, personally. Okay?” Trixie nods. Katya is playing with her hair and holding her gently, but tightly. It feels appropriate and natural. 

“Where have you been all my life, you absolute shrink?”Asks Trixie, still crying, but breathing a lot less heavily and sounding a lot calmer. She even cracks a smile at that.

“I have no idea, but you haven’t missed much,” says Katya. “And I know this is the worst time to say this, but I’m hearing footsteps and I think my mom is coming to check on us.”

And she is right. About 0.5 seconds later, the door opens and Dina stands there, apron nearly falling down her legs and oven mittens still on. Katya wonders how long she has been going around with them on. 

“Well, there you are! Come on, everyone is waiting for you two to make a toast! She puts her hands on her hips. “Have you been hiding upstairs? That is very disrespectful of…”

“Mom, no, Trixie wasn’t feeling very well so I brought her here to rest a little,” Katya explains. 

“Oh, dear, you do look a little… Tired,” Dina says, looking at Trixie. “Let’s make a deal, then: you come downstairs, make a toast and then you can come here and sleep, yes? Does that sound good?”

“Absolutely, thank you Di,” says Trixie. “I did already take a migraine pill so I should feel better soon, but I really need to rest.”

“Of course, dear. We’ll be waiting for you two, okay?” She closes the door and leaves. 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Katya informs. “I don’t want to. 

“No, it’s fine. You bring a girl home and they will even ask her for a speech… Oh well, I’ll do what I gotta do,” says Trixie, reaching for her makeup bag. She whips out MAC foundation and spreads it around her face with surgical precision.

“How are we going to give a toast announcing our fake engagement that is convincing enough to make aunt Daria cry?” Asks Katya while Trixie powders her face almost violently.

“Katya, chill. We’ll do fine. Short and sweet is always the way to go, trust me, we got this,” she says, looking at herself in the mirror. “Just say whatever you think you’d like them to hear, but make it sound personal.”

“Have you given a lot of public talks? Are you any good at this? Where’s my Xanax?”

“Honey, I’m the most important person inside of an award-winning research group inside of the FBI, I have my own damn TED Talk. I can take charge of this easily if you want me to, okay?” Trixie looks at Katya. It’s been two fucking minutes and her makeup looks like it’s never melted in tears. 

“You should,” Katya says, going through her medicine bag. There is no Xanax there. She stops and looks at Trixie, who’s fixing her lipstick. “Did you just call me honey? It’s just us here.”

“I know that,” she pops her lips. “But I liked calling you that. You should get a cute nickname for me.”

“I’ve known you for a little over twenty-four hours, you convinced me to let you play my girlfriend in front of my family and then you told them we’re getting married. The only thing I should do is have you taken into a mental hospital,” Katya says. “Also, you’ve just had the breakdown of the year, how are you so okay?”

“Hey, nothing makes a girl feel better than the chance of being on the spotlight,” defends Trixie. 

“You’re a psycho.”

“The only thing I am right now is ready to go downstairs and win an academy award for giving a touching speech about our fake engagement and love story. In ten minutes time, you will beg me to be your real girlfriend,” she raises her eyebrows. Katya sighs and gives in. They walk out of the room with their arms linked, and stop at the bottom of the stairs. Katya’s mom promptly hands them both champagne glasses, which contain cheap sparkling wine from Walmart, and hits a fork repeatedly on it to catch everyone’s attention. Obviously it doesn’t work because Russian families tend to need a little more stimuli, so Dina sighs before taking an actual shotgun and firing at the moose head on the wall above the TV. 

“Oh, my God,” Trixie whispers, but literally everyone else looks unimpressed. The poor moose has a few bullet wounds to its forehead. Katya looks at her and wonders if it is at this point that she starts to wonder she she’s gotten herself into.

“As a few of you know,” by that Dina means everyone in that room, “Katya has finally brought someone home, the true holiday miracle we’ve been waiting for! In honor to that, I’d like them to do this year’s toast! Ladies...”

There’s silence and anticipation. Katya doesn’t start, so Trixie clears her throat and smiles. “Well, good evening everybody, it has been very special for me to be here tonight and get to meet some of you. For those who I haven’t had the luck to meet, hello, I’m Beatrice and apparently my nickname is Christmas Miracle” The sea of aunts and uncles and unknown relatives laughs along with her. “So, it’s Christmas. I mean, not yet but in… Three minutes, and what a coincidence that we’re giving this toast now!” They laugh again. “Actually, this is my first Christmas and I couldn’t have wished for anything better. It’s been a trip with a lot of firsts, may I say. First gingerbread cookies I’ve ever made, first Russian words learned, first time skiing and first time falling down a hill while skiing as well. My lovely partner, your Katya, has been the first person to ever be so determined to convince me that Christmas was important that she was actually willing to bring me into her amazing, loving family to prove that and she did. I’m proud to stand by her side tonight and see what a great, positive surrounding she’s had to become this… Incredible woman that she is today. 

“One curious thing about me,” she continues, “is that I’m very pretty. I’m beautiful, and usually that is the first thing that people tell me when they meet me. Not her, though. She looked right through me and she said ‘wow, you’re a badass.’ I was stunned, because that was not what I expected, but at the same time it was one of the best, most genuine compliment I’ve ever received. I know it sound silly, but at that moment I thought, you know what? I am a badass. And even though I can’t help being pretty, that is not part of who I really am, but being a badass totally is. Being courageous is part of my essence and Katya saw that when not many others did. So, this Christmas, I wish we all have a holiday so filled with light and blessing that it feels like the first, all over again, and may we all be able to look through each other’s essence to understand what this holiday is really about. Merry Christmas, guys.”

“Also,” Katya barges in, red as a pepper, “we’re getting married.” The clock strikes midnight and it chimes twelve times. It feels like a movie in slow motion to watch all of these people celebrating and toasting and hugging. Near them, at the foot of the stairs, Sasha clears her throat and points to the mistletoe above their heads, being held by Ryan a few steps above them. He’s smiling and it’s so cute Katya could scream.

Trixie smiles at Katya and wraps her arms around her waist. “I think you have to kiss me now,” she says. Katya blushes on, but leans in closer to the blonde and their lips meet fascinatingly well, just like a match. The champagne suddenly starts to sparkle inside of her again and it might have been only a minute, but it felt like forever in the best way possible. Trixie’s lips are soft and glossy from her lipstick, so that might leave a mess, but Katya doesn’t care. When they pull away from each other, they laugh. 

“You’re an amazing kisser,” says Trixie. “Thank you for giving me the best first Christmas ever. Please go on a date with me when we get back.”

“I think this is already our date, even though it’s overcrowded and and over festive,” Katya laughs. “And going a little too fast, considering you’ve already met my family, had a breakdown and tried to leave and we’re going to get married.”

“Oh, no. There is no such thing as over festive, but we should rethink the last part,” they smile and kiss again. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Katya says back. She doesn’t know this yet, but their date will go splendid when they’re back in New York, just like the other thousands there are to come. She also doesn’t know that in two years, Trixie will propose to her in this exact same spot. What she knows, though, is that she wrong about Christmas not being able to get better. It just did. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
